How I Left His Harem and Rediscovered Myself

RelationPhoto by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

They don’t wake up planning to hurt, manipulate and cheat. Narcissists are emotionally damaged. But their story is not our responsibility — and reasons are not excuses.

After my text to him, I shut my phone off to hide. My life felt suddenly over. “This is good for you”, I reasoned aloud. You did the right thing.” Words I tossed into the ether with the cadence of Carol Brady. I imagined her talking Alice off the orange linoleum ledge after leaving Sam The Butcher. I was alone in my apartment — heartbroken…


Could A COVID-19 Layoff Be Exactly What You Need?

The author is the owner of this photo

Empty boxes are like open doors. You need to fill them with your old life before starting anew.

I’ll never forget my nearly 20-year career with a company I love so much. Our parting ways felt more like an amputation; neither one of us wanted it but for the survival of a bigger picture, it had to be done. As a result of the global pandemic, I’m simply the latest employee casualty— another layoff; another brick in the COVID-19 wall that’s been chipping into the rubble around the globe.

Since being…


My First Kiss With A Woman

“Sometimes we reveal ourselves when we are least like ourselves.”
― Anaïs Nin

Photo by nrd on Unsplash

Ladies: if a real-life goddess ever leans in to kiss you in the bathroom of the strip bar where you both work, you pucker up. Gay, straight, gender-neutral, asexual, fucking comatose — just do it — even if you’re not a stripper. Goddess plus you equals kiss.

My first lipgloss-lock was a karmic occasion of which I still enjoy its ripple effects. How I handled this one, very isolated event with this girl would navigate my heart’s compass throughout my twenties and even to this day. Allowing…


If you ask this question, read on.

Photo by Jonathan Rados on Unsplash

I was told in conversation that ‘Only losers quit’. This struck me as hostile and had I wished to unpack the statement, I’m certain there’d be a story.

I decided to smile and change the subject.

I respected their beliefs but wasn’t on board. With respect, sometimes there is silence. Keeping our personal thoughts to ourselves is the kind thing to do when no positive outcomes are on deck.

I don’t believe the statement: Only losers quit.

Quitting (or, Letting Go) a romance, job, hobby, personal or professional goal, after a valiant effort illustrates immense confidence, humility, and courage in being…


Her latest special is refreshingly human and hilarious

Courtesy of HBOMAX EVOLUTION Promo Shoot

2020 has been hijacked by a global pandemic and our mental health is at stake (in addition to our lives). As of today, there is no cure for COVID-19. Most of the world has been on lock down for portions of or most of the year. Millions have lost their jobs (including myself after nearly a twenty-year career). I could go on, but why? These statistics are tattooed in our psyche like poisonous venom we can’t piss away. Hilarious, right? Not even a little bit.

So, what’s the ransom for our health and freedom? Following orders suggested by the World…


A Most Unwelcome Reunion

Source: The Guardian/Interview by Chris Wiegand (Natalie Portman as Alice and Clive Owen as Larry in the film, Closer. Photograph: Collection Christophel/Alamy Stock Photo. The article titled: How we made Closer — by Clive Owen and Patrick Marber.

As the fourth and final song faded, the DJ in our club at the north end of Waikiki kept the crowd pumped for another set of nude women on stage under the flashing black lights. These men were mostly military dudes who were barely legal (21) to drink alcohol on the island, on their way to or coming from Desert Storm.

I collected my money and made my way off the center stage. The balls of my feet were throbbing and I couldn’t wait to release my toes. Beads of sweat tickled the small of my back and my cocaine-fueled…

A 90s Party Girl’s Thoughts on Chris Cornell

Photo by Devon Divine on Unsplash

May 2020 marks the 3rd Anniversary of Cornell’s death. This was, is and will always be my love-letter to his family and musicians/music lover’s everywhere.

My wheels crawled along the asphalt and I breathed in the afternoon sky. Brushstrokes of cotton candy melting with fireside abstracts served my daily commute home from work well. How could I possibly mind rush hour when my drive literally reminds me to appreciate the view? Time pushed as traffic crept along the California coastline and so did I. My thoughts swirled around nothing and everything as my eyes took deliberate turns between sky and…

When I was a stripper, I danced to her songs. Now, she’s leading me into a new adventure: Old(er) Age.

Photo Source: The album’s artwork was shot by photographer Gary Heery and directed by Carin Goldberg [Wikipedia] Circa 1983.

The first time I heard Madonna sing she was telling me to get up and do my thing. I was 14 and dancing with Mitch Ruben, one of my many high school crushes. We were barefoot, dancing on the grass in the backyard of Lori Morgan’s house. I couldn’t make eye contact so I just swayed to Madonna’s “Everybody,” looking at the clouds, the grass, the sky, my feet. My mouth closed, I traced my braces with the tip of my tongue underneath my upper lip, snapping my fingers and feeling alive. …

Wading Through The Darkness

Photo by Nathana Rebouças on Unsplash

The rabbit hole of truth. It seduces me with promises of knowledge. It haunts me when I cannot look away.

It is raw.

It is ugly.

The agony weighs me down until my tears lift the cloak of despair.

My tears have been born from heartache with too much consumption: social media hashtags of racism and hate.

Call it shock.

Disbelief that human beings can be filled with such hate. My addictive brain feeds off the toxic wheel of on-line information. It’s hard to walk away.

After another day of immense pain, I have a talk with my heart. Channeling…

Christine Macdonald

Walking Cliché. (Pole To Soul)

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